The first sentence is the hardest – after that, the conversation typically finds its own way. This collection lends you ready-made sentences: choose the one that feels natural to say, and feel free to forget the rest.
In brief:
- The sentences were written in two directions: from child to parent, and from parent to the family.
- Three rounds: opening the door, taking stock, and the tasks — you don't have to get through them all in one sitting.
- Forcing it doesn't work — leaving the door open does.
Door-opening sentences – from child to parent
- "We would like you to never have to think about this — let it be our job."
- "There's no rush, and nothing needs to be decided right now — I'd just like to know what you would want."
- "I saw how much trouble it caused the X family that nothing had been discussed. Let's not have that happen to us."
- "What do you think about this? It matters to me that it's the way you would want it."
Door-opening sentences – from parent to family
- "I'd like you to never have to deal with this — I've arranged everything, and I'll show you what you'll find where."
- "I'm not ill, I just like things in order — let's sit down together sometime and tell each other what's where."
- "I have a few wishes, and I'd rather tell you than just leave them written down. Are you free on Sunday?"
The stock-taking and tasks round
- "What's already in place? Insurance, savings set aside, a burial plot — do we all know what's where?"
- "Who knows where the important papers are? And who could get to them if needed?"
- "If arrangements ever need to be made, who would take that on? And who would help them?"
- "What would you want: a burial or a cremation? Religious or secular? A small circle or a larger one?"
- "Would it be good to talk this through with an advisor sometime — together?"
If the door stays closed
This happens — and even then, there's no need to force it: an open door that's been named out loud ("if you ever want to talk about it, I'm here") is worth more than any amount of pressing. The patience article offers ways forward for this situation, and the tact article for how to frame the conversation. And once the conversation has happened: the next step is filling in the folder — together, if you like.
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This article is for general information only and does not constitute an offer or insurance advice. The precise content of insurance policies is determined by the insurers’ terms and conditions in force at any given time.
